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I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Iād be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.