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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.