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I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.