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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!