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My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
I drink to make other people interesting.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.