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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial