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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.