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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
The fox says you need to stop.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.