Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Sex, do it for the kids.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...