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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"