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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.