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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.