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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?