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Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
My inner child is a drunken whore
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5