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Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!