Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
That`s not how I met your mother.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.