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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
Safe words are for quitters.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.