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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.