Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.