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To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.