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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.