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I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
take me drunk i`m home
My tricks aren`t for kids.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
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I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.