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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..