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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her