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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.