Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.