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The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...