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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying