Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
My life is just one long improvisation.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.