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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.