Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.