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I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.