Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
There`s no WE in pizza.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"