Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Iām giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.