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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
Smooth move.........ExLax
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.