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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.