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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.