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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.