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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.