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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.