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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!