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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.