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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.