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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe