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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..