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Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.