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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!