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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.