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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
I need a partner in wine.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.