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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!