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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?