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Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.