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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.