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I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you