Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.