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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?