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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.