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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds