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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.