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this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.