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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.