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real eyes realize real lies
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?