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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.