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Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories