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You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
A leaf blower, but for people.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?