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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."