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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
only 9530 days until retirement.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.