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I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!