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I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.