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If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
When my kids grow up, Iām going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say Iām bored & then just leave!
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours