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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.