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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.