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I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.