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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
The best things in life require no pants.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!