Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.