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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
I was born at a very early age.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.