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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.