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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
2 words, 1 finger.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
Long story short, I love summaries
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
How long does it take to get obsessed?