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I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."