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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.