Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
Bad decisions make good stories.