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Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.