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This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it