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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.