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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.