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If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.