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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.