Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.