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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........