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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
So many rules; so little time to break them.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...