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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!